RAINN Supporters Day: Celebrating RAINN's Achievements

Sandi Carter Brown

Joined May 28 2012
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64 years old
Attleboro, Massachusetts
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As I reflect upon my life I am still in awe that I survived. I was slapped around and severely ridiculed daily. I was often hit in the head with pans because my mother didn't think they were clean enough. Wooden yard sticks were broken over me. I was whipped with rubber hosing and chased around the house by my mother snapping sewing shears threatening to cut out my tounge.  Anything and everything had the potential to become a weapon. This treatment was from my mother, the person in life that's supposed to nurture you, guide you, love you. To her I was nothing ~ nothing more than a mistake. As I look back, neglect from my father was a positive thing. He was an  intelligent, politically active and highly respected man in the city where we lived. The underbelly of this person was a sick, demented and dangerous human being. He perpetrated the worst experience of my lifetime. My sister, five years older than I, was someone I looked up to. Smart and beautiful...our relationship was so distant. I longed for her. My brother was just eleven months older than I, but that didn't matter. Molded by the sickness of my parents he beat me and used me as a sex toy. Forced to sleep together in the same bed, my brother 'The Boy' was encouraged by my mother to stimulate himself sexually prior to sending us to bed together, night after night, year after year. I believe that she believed she was truly in love with him and still is to this day. He didn't stand a chance. My gym coach, a cousin and my grandfather whom I loved very much ~  were just a few of my perpetrators. So many people abused me and of course, I thought it was all my fault. As a young adult, I kept finding myself in similar scenarios. Reoccurring rape and death of friends kept happening over and over and over.The abuse inflicted upon me in my childhood lead me directly to drugs and alcohol in my late teens and early twenties. This repetition eventually led me to seek help.  I have lived many, many lives in this lifetime and at times I am tired and weary, yet I continue to grow and heal and surround myself with supportive loved ones ~ my chosen family. I lend my voice to all of our precious innocent children ~ so deserving of love and kindness on this earth.

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